Monday, November 08, 2010

USAC Helmet Cam Ban, Barry White, And Unicorn Babies

I'm glad USA Cycling came to their senses momentarily on the subject of helmet-cams. There was talk there for a minute that helmet-cams were going to possibly get banned. I thought it was crazy talk. I thought that USAC was just trying to better the UCI in a "being backwards and anti-any-kind-of-fun contest," but, if so, they lost...this time. USAC explained their motivation for the alleged ban like this:

“It’s more from a risk management perspective and the recognition that it would have to affect the safety aspects of the helmet, just by definition. In a crash, if you do a header right on top of your helmet cam, you’re going to drive it right through your helmet into your head.

It came more from the risk management side than any particular accident that we know about."


I need the USAC like a Phish sticker needs to be on my bicycle (I spent the entire 2010 season racing a whole bunch of races that were sanctioned by neither the USAC or the UCI...and I had a lot of fun doing it), so I couldn't get all that worked up about whatever idiotic thing they were planning on doing, because it didn't really affect me. Although it does affect my favorite sport — it could snuff out the one flicker of hope mountain biking has to regain some of its former popularity...which opens the door for me to bitch briefly (and probably off-basely) about it.

This whole "if you do a header right on top of your helmet cam, you’re going to drive it right through your helmet into your head" business is hypothetical, I can't say that it's not what might happen, but USAC can't say, definitively, with science, that it IS what would happen —

"It came more from the risk management side than any particular accident that we know about."

So some dude at USAC thinks that if you crash on your helmet-cam, it will get driven right through your skull...

and I think that if you put a narwhal and a white horse in a room with a bottle of wine and Barry White on the stereo, you'll get unicorn babies.

You can't prove me wrong (unless you have the means to procure a narwhal and a white horse for testing) and the random union of the aforementioned creatures is unlikely to occur in nature, mostly because rooms with a bottle of wine and Barry White playing on the stereo don't often occur in nature. Likewise, until someone does some testing involving helmet-cams and helmets, or someone happens to ram his helmet-cam through his skull in nature...or whatever, the banning of helmets based on this rickety-ass premise remains ridiculous, and while I am not an expert on...anything really, I do know something about ridiculous.

I rest my case, but, Jesus, think about it for a minute...do you realize what you could get for a unicorn baby on the black market?

9 comments:

rick is! said...

yet people are allowed to wear lights on their heads all of the times.

The Septic Tank Blog said...

I love this blog. Keep up the good work!
The Septic Tank Man

gob said...

Grammar Nazi time: The rule change doesn't "affect" you.

http://grammar.quickanddirtytips.com/affect-versus-effect.aspx

Sorry to bitch. Your interviews this weekend were delightful.

Big Bikes said...

@rick is - that was definitely one of the very valid points brought up in the discussion.

@ TSTM - Thanks!

@ gob - In my defense: I was half-drunk when I wrote this. Usually Zen acts as my editor, thanks for the catch.

Uri said...

Just saw a camera ad up here. Are you in the pocket of "big helmet cam" and their Washington lobbyists?

gewilli said...

dude - helmet cameras should be banned because THEY LOOK FUCKING (now I'm going to get in trouble here) RETAHDED!

Seriously. Have you seen the douche's trying to race CX with a square box attached to the pinnacle of their brain bucket?

Sort of like a big white flag waving "I SUCK SO BAD THAT THE ONLY WAY I CAN JUSTIFY RACING IS BY RECORDING FROM MY POINT OF VIEW."

A lame one.

If you're going to record the damn race, or a MTB thing, put it somewhere other than your head.

I hear Seat stays are pretty popular lately.

gewilli said...

oh and now i have a crazy hankering to watch Vanishing Point (the 1971 version).

zencycle said...

Grammar check - ya lost me for a minute there, gob. The rule change would indeed 'affect' thom. What it wouldn't do, however, is 'effect' his favorite sport.

That said, I can't see what 'effect' a helmet cam would have - if any - on ferret legging.

I was writing a longer response to the helmet cam issue, but I think I'll do a blog post on it instead.

dougyfresh said...

I don't know why buy everytime I see that pic of your pho beard I think of how much you look like mark weir in that foto.