Friday, May 13, 2011

Rainbow/Unicorn Bikes And Kool-Aid Pickles

Today's post will be short on words, but with photos of a bike like this, who needs words? 

"It is like looking into the face of God and seeing Him smiling back and saying, "You are my most wondrous creation." 

Next to this thing, Vanilla Cycles' bikes look like crap. 

Seriously. This bike has more style in its banana seat than Sacha White has in his whole body. 

Right now it's hanging above my workbench so I can bask in its scrumtrelescent glow all day, but I would gladly trade it for a headset press and a headset cup remover for the Roll It Forward shop. That is true. 

No free association fest regarding rainbows, unicorns, and bikes would be complete without the inclusion of Spooky Bikes' amazing jersey. 

Nor would it be complete without the embedding of the critically acclaimed Candy Mountain video. Candy Mountain does to Broke Back Mountain what the Unicorn/Rainbow Murray does to Vanilla Cycles, i.e.: makes it look like a piece of total crap created by a crack baby. 

Fun fact: The video is based on the life of George Wisell

And this is somewhat related. 

It's a Fernet Branca bike. And speaking of alcohol companies putting their logo on bikes...ever notice how high end car companies like to slap their names on horrible, cheap bicycles? How come a bicycle manufacturer never commissions a maker of horrible, cheap cars to make a car for them? What, you wouldn't buy a Chevy Aveo with a Colnago logo on it? What about a Pontiac Aztek with a De Rosa logo? 

At least this bike has a sweet cup holder...for a giant shot of — weird, black, medicinal, oh god this night is about to go horribly awry  — Fernet. 

Right, nights gone horrible awry. That is a jar of pickles pickled in fucking Kool-Aid by a madman. Did I try one? 

We were drinking miniature High Life ponies out of giant buckets, what do you think? 

If Hieronymus Bosch ate some bad shellfish, he might have a nightmare about something worse than this, but I can't think of anything nearly as abhorrent at the moment. 

Time is short and I'm out a feeble segues. But hey! That's Big D Robb, the new manager of the Putney West Hill Shop up in VT. You might recognize him from other photos in this post...ones with buckets in them. He's moved all the way out from S.F. to take over up there, so stop by and say hi why don't ya? I also hear he's looking for a super-good wrench, so if you know anyone...aye. 

And for all the few Big Bikes readers who aren't from Romania, there's a trail building day at Burlington Landlocked Forest this Saturday. If you haven't ridden the BLL, you should check it out, it's some of the best stuff around. And we're gonna make about a mile more of it, hopefully with your help. 

Oh, and this is going on this Sunday:

I won't be able to go because I'll be picking through a container over at Bikes Not Bombs, looking for more donation bikes for Roll It Forward, but if I weren't, I would almost definitely be watching the crazy, downhill sickness. If you go, watch some sickness for me and then come over to my house and cough on my face so I can catch some sickness too. It won't be any weirder than that time I ate a Kool-Aid pickle. 


rick is! said...

woops, I used abhorrent in my post today as well. I think you copied me in advance.

zencycle said...

It is said The Invisible Pink Unicorn (May Her Hooves Never Be Shod) farts rainbows

Velorambling said...

I too share an appreciation of the single horned wonder. Sweet Bike!

eastwood said...

the HELL is going on with that video?

Luke S said...

Argentines go crazy for Fernet Branca. I've seen them order Fernet and Coke by the pitcher.

Amy said...

What year is the Rainbow bike. That thing is AWESOME!!!