Bacon Burner/
Connecting The Dots Between
The Pieces of The Puzzle/
Putting The "Raining" in Training

It's Waterworld out here. Someone folded the map of the U.S. and Boston now has the weather of the Pacific Northwest. I sat around in Lycra for two hours today, waiting for my window. It looked like I had one, then the rain came back ten fold, absolute deluge. This threw a Capuchin Monkey wrench in my plans. There was no food in the house and I began to get hungry. I made do with what we had...tater tots, bacon, and cheese. Then I felt like crap, lying on the couch full of tater tots, bacon, and cheese, in my lycra. I had to ride, I just needed a window...but a slightly larger one than normal so my fat ass could fit through it.

Starting a ride in the dry and getting caught in the rain is one thing...starting a ride in the rain is another thing entirely.

The window opened and I jumped out of it with my bike. I mean, it had stopped raining but the streets had water cascading down them. I was soaked instantaneously from the spray off my tires. Oh, the photo at the top has nothing to do with this post, that was me driving to meet Rooter last night. I was driving so fast and erratic that I had to wear a helmet. The fact that I was taking photos of myself while doing so made it all the more dangerous.

I've lived in Somerville for nigh on fifteen years off and on and I still don't know all the secret stashes of trails. I know a lot of folks drive their gay-ass SUV to the trailhead (it's OK, I can say that, my brother drives an SUV), maybe don body armor and cover about 8 miles during a ride, that's fine, I do that sometimes too. The rides I really like though are the ones where you go exploring, find new ways to cut through green spaces, linking up areas, making huge meandering loops.

People think that you need a road bike to get fit enough to race a mountain bike. Let me ask you this...what's the difference between riding a mountain bike on the road and riding a road bike on the road? It's all about continuous pedaling. Trail riding is actually pretty easy compared to going hard on the road, you get to stop pedaling way more than you realize. Try going out for a ride on a single speed in a 32 X 17 with a good 30% on pavement. You'll get to spin your legs a whole lot.

That's just my 6 Polish Zloty.


I won't bore you with the details of where I rode and how exciting it was when I made some new connections. If you don't live and ride in my hood, you won't give a flying frog. If you do live and ride in my hood and you want to check some of the stuff out, drop me a line.


If I did not have a hose in my backyard and laundry in the basement dealing with the aftermath of these rainy rides would suck so freakin' bad. I have been riding in wet shoes for weeks, I have moss growing between my toes. You've heard of a green thumb? I've got a green toe.

I think moss is beginning to cover the area where my sense of humor is housed...green toe? Ugh.
I'm outta here.

Day Off Wrap Up/Cop Out

Oops, I forgot to write a blog post last night. I rode until 8:15 in the semi-rain with Rosey and Rooter out in Bedford. It was a mad dash to get out to meet them. I rode The Ferrous called Dunderchee into work (which is kind of a slow way to go but I think it's giving me my form and spin back and ends up being a lot more fun than being relegated to the road alone)
By the time I realized how dead The Shop was and that the thunder and lightning had subsided it was too late to make it to the ride on time. I hopped on my road bike to hammer out the commute home "The Dumb Way" through Watertwon Square and that awful artery with 16 and The Mass Pike, a place where I once had to violently outrigger onto a Volvo's front left quarter panel to avoid going under its wheels as the driver talked on his cell phone while trying to cross four lanes of traffic at a right angle.

We had a great ride, slick but not super muddy. It was Rosey's maiden voyage on The Mojo. I hadn't seen the white version of that bike, very striking. On the way home I called Miriam and asked her on an impromptu date to see The Hangover. It was insanely funny, on a totally different level than the cookie cutter Knocked Up, Role Models type stuff that's been coming out in the comedy department lately. And that's why this is such a weak post.

If you want to read a post that is not wiggidy-wiggidy-weak you can check out what I wrote about the Holland School 110 Kids Bike Donation.
There are some good photos like the ones at the top of this post over there as well.

Videos, they are a total waste of my time, but I didn't have to edit the ones below so I won't feel so bad when two of my three readers looks at them.

If you watch careful you can see my wheel (I'm full-face guy) slip on the both of the bridges...sketchy.

Highland Mountain Bike Park Slippery Bridge Stunt from thom parsons on Vimeo.

We did these practice jumps at the beginning of the day, they were scary then. Later, after all the free-ridin' craziness they seemed like nothin'. So much so that I went a little fast and damn near missed the landing, compressing pretty good as I came down.

Highland Mountain Bike Park Practice Jumps from thom parsons on Vimeo.

This video I did spend a long time editing, I've also posted on the 29er Crew Blog and The IBC Blog. It's my attempt at a how-to video. I have work to do.

How To Hop A Log from thom parsons on Vimeo.

This is awesome...for the few of you that got to see what the original title of this post was. I seriously thought it was Friday until Miriam said "Friday Wrap Up/Cop Out? It's Thursday". Oops. Jesus, what the hell am I going to use for end of the week filler tomorrow?

Department of Re-Directions

Alright, you know the drill, all the action's over on the 29er Crew site today. Posted a little product review of the above gloves or the gloves above and a thing about the new Bontrager 29-3 tires. So check it out!

The Epic Riding Before The Epic Imbibing

When I said I spent five hours riding in the hot sun in preparation for the Bachelor Pub Crawl Death March, I wasn't kidding...or lying either. Half of the crap I say over here is totally made up and the other half is imagined. Nobody is fact checking The Big Bikes and that's the way we like it.

At about noon on Saturday Andy and Jeff (I am going to continue linking to his "retired" blog until the plonker writes something new. If you have time to raise a child, you have time to blog) showed up at the house. Then we prepared our bikes, tripping over each other as we worked out of my rickety, ghetto as hell house tool box. We turned Jeff's IF 29" into a single speed with a "feathery light" 32 X 17 and I installed a new pair of Bontrager 29-3s which I will be reviewing on the Crew Site, perhaps Wednesday.

Andy's Igleheart Franken-Bike. Check out the overlapping Juicy hydraulic brakes.
We stopped to chat frequently, I don't to see these guys nearly
enough and this is the only catching up we get to do.

The plan was a Semi-Suburban epic, linking together all the stuff in my neighborhood and beyond. I thought Jeff would enjoy this, he doesn't get to ride over broken glass and beer cans enough up in Waitsfield, VT. We started with a taste of The Fells, staying in there just long enough to realize how much riding there sucks on a beautiful Saturday when it's full of hikers and dog walkers. So we cut out and hit Horn Pond Mountain. It's a mean little bastard that one. But the descent and the singletrack linking up to the powerlines that take you up toward Lexington are sweet!

En route to Bedford and Burlington Landlocked Forest we cut through the swimming hole in Lexington. I was not shocked to see that the ratty old tree which for years had anchored a rope swing had finally met its demise. Apparently to a very loud and fat gentleman who was present when we arrived there. By all appearances he was wasted, but he only had ice tea and ginger ale to offer us. You can hear his floral voice in the background of the video below. After my trip to Highland I was feeling a little daring and took the Superfly for a little flight off some roots and down a steep, sandy embankment...barely arresting my skid before I hit the water. The first effort almost landed me on Jeff's bike.

Super Flight from thom parsons on Vimeo.

From there we ripped through Willard Woods and over to Bedford where we rode around in incredibly entertaining circles on some of the best cut trails I know. The new markers are key, thanks PK and MKR, you guys are both the man...or the men. We thoroughly appreciated your work.



Jeff had pre-hydrated for the ride with several Long Trail Ales (Hmm, that gives me an idea...aah, that's better, thanks for leaving me some of those Long Trails in the fridge JW), this perhaps left him feeling a little off. So while he took a nap Andy made a totally unrideable pile of rocks slightly less unrideable (at least for him because he's a Super Army Bike Soldier) check it out:

Andy...Rocks from thom parsons on Vimeo.

Somehow I thought it was a good idea to drink just two bottles in five hours on a near 80° day and eat nothing but a package of Gu Chomps. We were all pretty hurtin' by the time we reached Lexington center. Dreams of ice coffee and pastries at Pete's Coffee gave way to a burning desire for Coke, potato chips, and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.

We wound up getting back to the house at 6, barely enough downtime to get showered and down to The Bones for the start of the pub crawl. And that, was a damn good day.

-t

Bachelor Pub Crawl Death March

In preparation for this endurance event I spent five hours riding in the hot sun with Mr. Whittingham and Mr. Sanidas. That's a story for another day, possibly tomorrow. This is kind of an inverse of my usual situation, where I've gone out drinking before a race and then suffered for it. In this case I went out riding and it made the drinking that much more painful. At least the pedaling part anyway, it was a pub crawl by bicycle.The fact that I'd had two bottles to drink all day long was probably not ideal either. We got back from the EPIC and started drinking beers and I went "Oh crap, I should probably drink some water or something".

My brother James tries to convince Uri to put him on the back of his bike and attempt to jump The Snake River Canyon...or The Charles River.
He settles for riding Bitch over The Longfellow Bridge.

We started off at Redbones in Davis Square, the headcount at that pint, I mean point was maybe fifteen (actual slip back there, I just added the "I mean point" part"). Greg "The Leg" Montello was our Cruise Director, the man with the plan. After a quick dinner and a couple drinks at The Bone, we moved ever so slightly down the street to The Toad in Porter Square Cambridge. There GTL stated the rule that when I finished my drink, it was time to move on. From then on everyone drank their beers with one eye on my beer. If I wasn't digging a scene, I would down the beverage more rapidly. Now that's power.

From there we moved on to Charlie's Kitchen in Harvard Square where we were introduced to the modern equivalent of Zima - Bud Lite LIME. Outside Charlie's I took my first ride on Uri's Africa Bike which has a Moped seat affixed to a trail rack and foot pegs for the passenger. Uri then gave rides to people who didn't need rides as they held onto their own bikes, the cranks and pedals coming dangerously close to going into the spokes of The Africa Bike's rear wheel. I don't think Greg Paraskos knows how close he came to dying on Mass Ave. last night.

Green St. Uri and The Africa Bike living dangerously

There was a brief mutiny where Mike H. and I sprinted ahead of the group leading them to The Cellar in Central Square where we had Tequila shots. That was a great idea. Then it was over to Charlie's Kitchen for Cocktails. Mine was a Rhum...something or other. Yes Rum was spelled with an H. At least I saw an H at the time. After taking some photos with a the members of a Bachelorette party (me in the blinking Tiarra) we were off to the big city.

Apparently The Liberty Hotel is much more popular now that it is no longer a prison. GTL went to work bullshitting the doorman to get us in. The troops became restless and began wandering off toward Charles St.. GTL called me to say that we "were in" but when we got back inside he was still in heated negotiations with fatty fatty gel head. In the confusion, two members got in, texting me "We walked through the bushes onto the patio". Greg P. and I tried that move, it did not work. A large security guard was onto us. We made like we weren't really planning to squeeze between two planters into the patio at all and pretended to check our text messages simultaneously. He wasn't convinced and kept an eye on us until we walked away.

Meanwhile three others from the group had stepped into an elevator which opened right next to the line. When GTL finally wore the doorman down and we got in , the elevator riders were waiting inside for us. So if you ever want to get into The Liberty Hotel and I have no idea why you would want to do that, just walk through the bushes or get in the elevator.

The secret elevator. Things get blurry. Bryan has a weid Cell phone, it's attached to the wall outside The Blue Diner

After The Liberty we tried to go to some awful place in Fanueil Hall, Hennessy's maybe. It was slammed, no chance. Somewhere we lost Sanidas, I still don't know where, then Bryan flatted, oh, and Matt O'Keefe blew out his freehweel and had to be towed across the Salt & Pepper bridge by Rooter. Sanidas would eventually find his way back to my locked house, walk into my neighbor's apartment then ultimately gain entry to the correct apartment by leaping through a high first floor window. Which, if you are a burglar, I implore you not to do.

From there on out things get hazy, but a stop at J.J. Foley's and The Good Life happened as well as, perhaps, possibly some others in the Chinatown vicinity.

Thanks to everyone that came out to make this an extra-special-awesome night.

You know it was an epic night of drinking when you think it's a good idea
to eat at The Blue Diner at 3AM

HIGHLAND!

Finally got up there, Highland Mountain Bike Park. Un-be-frickin-lievable. It was a long day, and a hard day in a different kind of way. My arms just 'bout fell out of their sockets and I feel like I lost a push up contest to...some guy who can do a lot of push ups. Maybe Bruce Lee, he looked like he could do a lot of push ups.

Dave O'Connell, Trek Regional Tech Rep was there to hook up Trek dealers
with the Remedy and Session demos. Thanks Dave.

Erich Leas, Dan B., from the shop and some guy who I didn't meet but he looks like a nice guy.

Me, Colin, and Dan hit the lift. There was a learning curve with the whole lift thing. The lift operators did a really good job of laughing at us for fucking up getting on, then smiling and looking really, really stoned. I spent a whole lot of time on lifts during my previous incarnation as a snowboard bum but there's always a bit of first lift ride of the season nerves. Then you get to the top and realize that you aren't sliding like you do on a snowboard and before you figure out that you actually have to run out of the chair's way, it whacks you in the back of the legs and you say "ow!".

Of course some of the gnarliest stuff is right under the lift. I felt like someone going skiing for the first time and seeing nothing but Black Diamonds wherever I looked.

Then you run into Gerry Finnegan and he gets you stoked as all hell to be doing whatever it is you are doing because he himself simply exudes stokedness about everything in life and things to do with bikes in particular.

Colin had one of those crashes that sounded like King Kong charging through the trees, crushing everything in his path. I looked back to see my bike, The Remedy which he was borrowing, peaking out of the trees, on its side, Colin was nowhere in site. I was worried. "Are you okay?" I yelled. "Ya, I think I am". A team of tree saplings had broken his fall.


You know it's a good crash when your shoe falls off. It's better still when your shoe is still on and Colin's has fallen off. This isn't like a Skater's shoe falling off, a bike shoe is like an ice skate or a ski boot, or a fiberglass cast...it should not just fly off like that.


Jesus Christ, the kid went sailing, it was insane. We never did find his glasses - which were Dan's. Note to self: when planning a massively catastrophic nightmarish crash...do it in borrowed glasses.

Speaking of freakish. Dan took a flier as well. Later he noticed that one of his cogs had completely disintegrated like an Air France jet. This may have been what sent him flying. I've worked as a bicycle mechanic for...I have no idea how long and if I try to calculate it I will just end up being sad and feeling like a total failure, and Dave is a Tech rep for Trek, neither of us had ever seen anything like this.

Three runs to go at the end of the day we discovered (hey, we're like Christopher Columbus over here) a run called "Maiden Voyage". It was by far our collective favorite. It was all steep and rooty and wet and muddy with drops and chutes and gnarly kookiness everywhere. The third time we hit it I was all over the place, half a dozen close calls, I knew it was time to pull the plug. Colin and Dan convinced me to do one more run on "Fancy Feast" which was easy in comparison to "Maiden" but the lift closed before we could get back up there. Just as well. I was spent, little kid playing all day in the hot sun and forgetting to eat or drink tired. I was an accident waiting to happen to myself.

Drinking problem.

Re-Direction Section

Not much time to do the writing so I will be sending you over to the 29er Crew blog once again to read a bit more about the big kids bike donation thing and the revitalization of my commute via my 29er.

Have fun over there.

Highland tomorrow, if I don't break my arms and hands I will tell you all about it.

-t