Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Speak Softly and Carry A Big Stache: Lance Armstrong Mustache Ride Entrants

The official vote for the winner of the Lance Armstrong Mustache Ride For The Roses goes down tomorrow, so you still have time to get your submission in. Contest details are HERE, but it's actually pretty simple: Photoshop a mustache onto Lance, send the image to with the subject line MUSTACHE RIDE! and you could win a Geekhouse Bikes pint glass and a Team Awesome T-Shirt, both pictured right, freakin' HERE.

This morning I stooped to directly soliciting entries from a certain Canuckian and a particular North Cackalackian, both known for their Photo-shopping prowess. I have a feeling I might regret it.

Time — like the offspring of a union between Danny Devito and Ashley Olsen would almost certainly be — is short this morning, so straight to the contest entries we go.

Speaking of Ashley Olsen...the dude above looks old enough to be her dad. Oh wait, he is old enough to be her dad. A teen dad, but her dad nonetheless. This entry is from Michael Eastwood, the stache belongs to his father-in-law, who may have grown the thing as part of a sort of method Halloween costume...

"Speak softly and carry a big stache!"

Before I go on to discuss the entry directly above, I would like to address the entry at the very top of the post. That one is from Mandy Wisell. She used a Burt Reynolds stache for her collage. The look in Lance's eyes, coupled with the cheesy-ass stache makes for an incredible effect. It kind of says:

"I am going to try to mate with whatever it is I'm looking at...even if it's a couch."

The entry directly above is from Charles Beal. When Charles was born, computers were as big as skyscrapers, were powered by coal, and required hundreds of eunuch-slaves to operate them. Despite that, he did an amazing job capturing the killer-attitude of Lance.

This is the second entry from Todd "20poundskull" Prekaski, I would call it, with no real understanding of the words coming out of my mouth: "The Fer-De-Lance Armstrong." This look is what Lance would have gone with if he really, really wanted to enamor himself to the French people. You can just picture him throwing up his arms on a roller coaster and yelling "OUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"

And this, this comes to us from (go figure) Canada. The freedom-hating-puppy-kicking Craig "The Original Big Ring" Barlow is the creator of this affront to life, liberty, and the pursuit of multiple Le Tour wins. The sooner we build that wall to keep all those lazy Canadians from coming down and stealing our jobs the better.

And that is all for the contest. Hopefully we'll have some more entries to look at tomorrow, and then we'll put it to a vote. I cannot guarantee, with any certainty, that it will be any less of a massive shit show than the recent elections in Myanmar.

And for the unfortunate readers who use Big Bikes as the filter through which they receive all their cycling and mustache-related news: The Danny MacAskill video The Way Back Home.
You don't have to appreciate cycling to appreciate this one, it is a thing of absolute beauty.

And this kid might be the future of American Cyclocross. I have no idea how to judge the age of children... he could be anywhere between three and thirteen, regardless, it's weird watching something that small, handle a bike that well.


Chris said...

Dang. Kid puts himself in the pain cave so far that he takes himself out, only to clear the barrier better than TWells. This vid is a shining example of why I've quit trying to pretend I can race 'cross.

zencycle said...

I see some serious competition for GeWilli, or at least Kerry Litka

FWIW - my pick for the 'stache so far is the weight lifter.