Friday, November 05, 2010

Life Cycles: A Very Serious Film Review Without Any Inane Segues About Racism

It's pretty terrible, even though the spelling is different, every time I write the word "segue," I can't help but think about the dude who owned Segway, dying on a...Segway. And then I think about how George W. Bush was, apparently, one of the only people in the history of Segways, other than the owner of Segway, capable of crashing the idiot-proof Segway. And then I think about how, one day, as I was rolling into San Francisco after my 25 mile commute from Fairfax, I was coming through...I guess it's Fort Mason Park, and there was a group of tourists on an audio-aided Segway tour. They were, for the most part, morbidly obese people wearing khaki shorts that were too short, white tube socks that were too high, and white T-Shirts that were too large, and they all had gigantic headphones on. Maybe I was a little grumpy that morning, maybe I hadn't had enough coffee or something, but I didn't hesitate to yell: "Oh my god, it's an expedition from the planet LAME!"

And that reminds me of how stupid racism is...wait for it.

The other day I did that post over on Bike Rumor about stealing air from car tires with a home made hacked-pump. There were a whole lot of angry, sort of "I'll kill you if you try to steal air from my truck tires you hippie!" comments below that post after a few days. My friend Uri told me he intended to start a fight with one of the irate-commenting dudes who had said:

This is kind of silly. I thought cyclists were against laziness. Hell you give us moped riders a hard look all the time. Buy a Co2 inflator, those work really well. Oh wait, Oh gee! CO2 causes global warming! HAHAHHAHHAHHAHA. Trees and plants use carbon dioxide. You hippies are so full of yourselves you slosh when you walk!

but, after checking out the guys "scary website" he thought better of it — It's a full-on white supremacist site. Now, I don't usually walk on the dark side of the internet street, I kind of play it safe, and what I'd done here was overturn a rock, exposing a dark place on the internet that I knew existed but hadn't spent any time exploring. The guy had also posted a video that day of former presidential candidate and former Grand Wizard of The KKK David Duke, where Duke twists a story about black basketball players gang-raping a white cheerleader into a thesis for why multi-racial societies don't work.

It was interesting to see how Duke has changed his tune (or maybe cranked up the volume) on his racist ranting over the years. I just remember the Ku-Klux-Douche from his horribly-failed run for president and how he took Westwood, Massachusetts and all of New Hampshire in the primary. Something I will never forgive either of those places for. Back then he had toned his Klan-type-talk WAY down, but now, although he's not tossing the N word around (unlike his followers) he is still pretty blatantly fucking racist and antisemitic.

As if I wasn't freaked out enough by the angry commenting dudes white supremacist rants on his site and David Duke's ever-so thinly veiled racist tirade, I then made the mistake of actually looking at the comments below the video. Holy crap. A few samples:

"Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the difference between a Black MAN and a nigger, but there are sadly FAR too many of the latter."

"yeah, if there was Islamic rule, those damn niggers' heads would be off... I mean offfffffffffffffffffffff......­....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

And my favorite:

"savages abetted and enabled by filthy homosexual bagels"

Oh, and how can I leave out:

"FACTS Cant be rasict!!!"

What is it with people with dumb ideas expressing them in such a dumb way? I'm sure Mr. "Rasict!!!" wants everyone to speak English...the language he has so obviously mastered.

What's funny is that I made the HUGE mistake of deciding, for the first time ever, to comment on a Youtube video. Apparently my Youtube account was set up in such a way that all the subsequent comments went directly to my gmail account. They were brilliant, I loved the one about how my children should be raped...but after the first 40 or so, I changed my account settings. What's extra-funny is that my comments got deleted event though they didn't contain profanity (the N word is A-OK though) Maybe irony is seen as profanity in white supremacist circles. My first comment merely said "It's nice to see Dave hasn't strayed too far from his KKK roots." And that got me in trouble, so I asked "How did you guys know I wasn't being earnest? Can you just smell a non-racist?" It got ugly. I couldn't help but follow along as the comments developed over the course of the day, it was like watching a ninety-car crash on the freeway in slow motion.

Before sliding the rock back in place and covering up this dark, scary, stinking hole in the internet, I made one last comment (that was deleted) that went something like:

"What are you people going to do when you're living on your all-white, all-Christian, rape-free island? Who will you direct all your hate toward? What excuse will you have to stockpile assault weapons? Who will you be protecting yourselves from?"

There was some other stuff but I forget how it get the point.

I did glance back over my shoulder to read one response to that comment where the woman said something like:

"Fagot, fagot, libral-faggot, WHY WOULD'NT I WANT TOO LIVE ON A RAPE FREE ISLAND you nigger and homosexual-bagel loving fagott?"

One problem with these people (I like to use their terms against them) aside from their lack of grammatical skill and their inability to grasp reality in any way, is that they have no sense of irony. They wouldn't recognize irony if it took the form of a hot iron and hit them repeatedly in the face.

Which doesn't mean that someone shouldn't try that tactic with them and then post the video on Youtube.

And what does any of this this have to do with Segway Scooters? Shut up for a second Chatty Cathy, and I'll tell you. Bike Rumor angry-commenting dude, Dr. Douche, uh, I mean Duke, and all his fuck-wit followers on Youtube have one thing in common: they think that being white gives them something in common. But I'm white and I look at white people like those bloated, white, creatures on the Segway scooters in San Franciso and I think "Wow, do they belong to the same species I do? Are we even from the same PLANET? I have nothing in common with the people...or things on those scooters. If being large and white is a prerequisite for membership in this club...can Beluga whales join? I probably have more in common with a Mareki tribesman from Vanuatu than I do with these wheeled-leviathans with their too-high white tube socks covering their bulging blue varicose leg veins."

So ya, about that Life Cycles review....maybe Tuesday for that? Wednesday? Is that good for you?

Hey, at least my segues were about Segways. OK, and maybe a little bit about white supremacy.


Marshall Hance said...

Skinny supremacy is no lessor evil.

Big Bikes said...

Marshall, you're WAY too serious.
My point (if I even had one) was that I have more in common with non-obese non-white people than I do with obese white people.

Equating prejudice toward the obese with a prejudice toward people who don't share your skin color is a little extreme. Being obese is, more often than not, a choice...a choice that says a lot about that person.

And just remember...

arguing with me is like scamming your way into the Special Winter Olympics and competing against me in Special-Curling — even if you win...I'm still retarded.

Did that even make sense?


-t said...

So long as you promote your fatcism we will never have a fat president.

zencycle said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
zencycle said...

Why did you spell 'segue' as 'seque' (with a 'q' instead of a 'g')in the title?

"Wow, do they belong to the same species I do?"

Funny, I feel the same way about republicans.....

Marshall Hance said...

You chose to rant against hate within the context of judgement, and instead of acknowledging the hypocrisy you followed up with a retard joke.

Judging people unfairly is equal no mater what the judgment. Your rebut is the same as saying it's okay to bash gays because they've made the choice to be sinners. I know it's a challenge to see the lack of compassion you offer the overweight; It's common and even expected that competitive cyclists who judge themselves so harshly would extend that judgment to others.

Big Bikes said...

@McKrispy - thanks for getting it. If you get me, all is not lost.

@Zen - uh...because the title field in blogger doesn't have spellcheck, which for me is really "blind-key-mashing-check" and that part of the title was actually hidden until I posted. Thanks for the catch.

@MH - Dude, more beer less coffee.

I'm making fun of people who have solved the "troublesome walking problem" or maybe the "getting any exercise at all period problem" by riding idiotic scooters. Not the obese in general, but a very specific group within that larger (heh) group. We're talking the difference between your average gay man and a member of NAMBLA here.