Tuesday, April 21, 2009


The Man With Two Helmets

Ya see, I had to get a newer new helmet even though I had bought a new helmet just a few days ago. I will now tell you why in such a convincing manner that you will not think I am King of The Douche Bags. At least for a day. OK, maybe just the morning. My expectations are probably still too high.

I bought the new helmet because my old one met an untimely demise. Note to self: Do not check your helmet in a soft bag at the airport. I'm sorry, but the folks who tell you that wearing cracked helmets is A-OK and that the malevolent helmet companies (who put addicting drugs in their products to make you crave them fortnightly) tell you not to because they want to sell more helmets are probably the same people who don't wear their seat belt because they are afraid of getting trapped in burning car because they couldn't release the belt. I saw that episode of Chips too. However, it did not influence my motoring safety habits.

Are they locking antlers like two Elk vying for dominance.
Or are they going SMOOCH! You decide.

The comments on the photo up top there are just too damn obvious, I'd probably just leave that one alone.

After the Hop Brook Dam race I got several comments regarding my lack of a pink helmet. How I was virtually unrecognizable without it. Thing is, I didn't know I could get a Trek Sonic in Pink...until it was too late...not to spend more money on a helmet I don't need. I hadn't clicked on the link to the proper Thom P. helmet because it was listed under "WSD" helmets. I'm going to let you in on a little secret here; the only thing WSD about these helmets is the pink paint. They measure the same 56-60cm as the MSD helmets. They don't have pink straps like my old Atmos and the box doesn't even have a butterfly on it. Quite manly. Chuck Norris would wear one. At least if Glen Beck told him to.

Part of my justification was that I am going to be leading kids rides for NEMBA soon (maybe this Saturday if we can pull it together. Sorry, don't know what's with the extreme linky-ness today). Sometimes pink helmets are confusing for kids and (ignorant) parents alike. I want to spend time teaching kids Mountain Bike skills, not forcing a discussion on tolerance of people of alternate sexual persuasions, or people who appear to be of alternate sexual persuasions (because they wear pink helmets...and have streamers on their bikes...and listen to Bronski Beat).

I want to explain how to wheel-to-wheel logs without hitting your chainring, and avoid having to explain why implying that someone is gay is not inherently funny. Next time you hear someone make a joke like that, change the word "Gay" to "Black" and see how it sounds. And if you don't get it then, you are beyond help.

Oops, actually got serious for a second there. Won't let it happen again.

I was going to talk about how I got my XR-1's mounted up Tubeless and the P.O.W. like weight it has brought the Superfly called Precious Thing down to, but it's late and I've yammered enough tonight. See you tomorrow.

-t

5 comments:

Miriam K said...

smooch smooch smooch! you know i love a good love story! thanks for writing a great love story!

solobreak said...

Buying new helmets two at a time is a good idea anyway. Sometimes in the summer you come home all sweaty and tired and maybe your poor helmet gets, as they say, ridden hard and put away wet. Owning two means not having to ride in a gammy helmet the next day. Not to mention that in the event that you split one in half in the middle of a stage race or something, you won't have to run out and take what you can find at retail in order to race the next day. Economically it should make no difference as you'll only wear it half as much so it should last twice as long; therefore your pinkness will remain vibrant and, errr, vibrant for longer, without UV fading damage.

Big Bikes said...

Thanks Solo.
That was actually one of my justifications. Often, after returning from a race I would head out to the pub a little while later. Back in the day I would not put my stinky/sweaty helmet back on. Nowadays I don't coast to the car on my bike without a helmet on, so it's nice having a fresh lid to wear.

James said...

I wish I knew you when I was a kid. I needed some pedals for my bmx that I built up after I cracked my old frame at the head tube. I was in the bike shop and wanted the pink flat pedals. The guy at the counter was like "are you sure?" Well being 10 years old and in the 80's I thought I was going to be the super cool kid with the pink pedals. It turns out that everyone made fun of me and my pink pedals. Scared for life I have stayed away from pink. If only we were friends back then. You could have stood up for me with your pink helmet on and the world would be different.

Great job on the blogs.

Anonymous said...

Is blue mating with pink? What color will the offspring be?

Thom the helmet breeder. They like totally never breed out of their natural habitat, which I guess is Taiwan / China. They must feel very comfortable in their new ecosystem.