Wednesday, April 29, 2009

It's Gonna Prove I Can Beat Up a Woman and Some Midgets

"Hello International Bicycle Center"
" much is a"
"Um, how much is a tube?"
"A tube is six dollars"
"Wid tax?"
"That's before tax"
"So it's like seven somethin'?"
(Massachusetts sales tax is 5%)
"Uh, no it's six twenty nine"

When the kid came in to get the tube I had a mind to charge him "seven somethin'". Take the 5% sales tax for the state and charge him the balance as a "Stupid Tax". Like a much smaller version of the State Lottery.

And I was going to keep it all crazy positive over here today. Talk about my, (I'm not kidding) beautiful commute yesterday. The trees are doing the thing they do around here at this time of year where they're budding and blooming. Folks with allergies might not think it's so swell, but I love the way the streets are lined with yellow and white flower-filled trees. They block out the view of vinyl-sided three family homes for little more than a week, but it's nice while it lasts. My Dad's the poet, I don't usually attempt to describe things of beauty with words.

The ride home was a contrast. I was so tired, I yawned hard enough that something popped in my jaw, now it hurts to eat, is that bad? The headwind was so brutal, something hit me in the eye so hard, I thought I'd have to go see a proctologist.

Going to lapse back into further snarkiness for a minute.
Commuter racing. The dudes who don't race, who get their Ya- Ya's out by crushing anyone on the road during their commute. Usually I don't mind them very much, but yesterday, I'm riding along from the coffee shop to work at the end of my commute...I've got a large ice coffee in my left hand, clearly visible, I'm spinning out in my 39 X 19, this guy comes squeaking past me on an old ten speed with the seat too high, and goes "Ha-Hah!". Ha-hah...really? You derived that much satisfaction, that much sense of accomplishment from dusting a guy (albeit a shaved-legged guy wearing a race kit) holding an ice coffee? Silly milk crater, races are on weekends.

Can't believe I can't find the actual quote (I'll try to get it as accurate as possible) but Jack Spade from "I'm Gonna Git You Sucka" may have said it best when asked as he's on his way to confront the family that tormented him as a child, "What's that gonna prove Jack?".

"It's gonna prove I can beat up a woman and some midgets".

I made a gamble, I came home and went straight to bed lat night, too sleepy to put aching, bike shop fingers to keyboard. I thought I would write this morning, this is all I could eke out. Don't know how some people do it, the waking up so early and the get the blogging done.

Two things, then I go to work.

Tonight, Wednesday Cutler Ride out of The Shop, 5:45, 71 Needham St., call over if you got questions 617-527-0967.

Saturday. NEMBA Take a Kid Mountain Biking at The Fells, Flynn Rink, 9AM.


Big Bikes Reader Steve said...

I hear you on on the trees blooming. I rode in from points West on Monday. Once I got past the wasteland that is rt 135 in Framingham it was down right pretty out. As long as it's not raining, this has to be the most enjoyable time of year to commute.

Darkhorse Cycles said...

think the superfly has what it takes to take home one of these fancy trophies? come on down to NY and find out!

Colin R said...

"silly milk crater, races are on weekends"


I am totally saying this to the next guy who gets all racey with me on the commute.

zencycle said...

"something hit me in the eye so hard, I thought I'd have to go see a proctologist."

Really, you should wear glasses at all times on the bike. All it takes is that one wasp flying 20 mph toward your 25, you'll never see it, and you may never see out of that eye again.