Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Shortest Story Ever...

and with no photos. Feels so...naked. Reminds me of that time I was coming out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel and my Grandmother was walking up the stairs, I stepped on the edge of the towel as I was walking, ripping it straight to the floor, exposing my bit and pieces, full frontal. I'm sure the trauma was all mine.

That wasn't actually the story I was going to tell. I was going to express more commuter angst because (I know people can't get enough of it). I apologize for all the whining about the commuting with the spitting and the screaming and the yelling every time, but almost getting runned (it's a word Spellcheck. Ya, you think it's not, then what's the past tense of "run" dipshit? Ha!) over ever day does something to a man...it does something to me too.

When a car is peaking out of a side street, they want to go, I'm right there, they lurch, they hesitate, most of the time they don't cut me off horribly. I usually think to myself "Amazing, yer a frickin' genius, thanks for not being a F-in' moron" or something along those lines.

The look I give this type of cretin is similar to the look I would give a child who had just decided it was against its better judgment to stick a fork in a light socket...if the child were fifteen years old and with full cognitive function. That's positive reinforcement.

I'm going to ride my bike tomorrow, this will provide many amusing situations for me to describe so hilariously in my writings, I promise.

5 comments:

Raineman said...

Ya know, If you get hit, they'll pull the vids from your commuting escapades - between lined cars, back and forth sidewalks/roads, blind spot shadowing... all the stuff that freaks me out when I'm driving and actually TRYING to keep track of the cyclist, and use them against you, you'll learn. Once in a while I'll open my door when at a traffic light to spit or pour out the rest of my coffee...and I'd hate to feel you crunching cuz I'd feel every bone snapping, feel absolutely horrible and then we'd empty our savings making lawyers wealthy and spend a massive amount of our time dealing with a wicked bad situation instead of riding bro. I know you're having "in charge of immortal myself fun", but the roads are not the trail... tame it down bud. I wanna be able to see and read your MTB action.:>)

Big Bikes said...

Al, thanks for your concern, but it's really not half as crazy as it looks.

Fifteen years of injury and death free commuting is proof of that. I have more to say on the subject but I'll take it on in the form of a proper post.

-t

Bullitt said...

You should read Palm-of-the-Hand Stories by Yasunari Kawabata. Shortest stories evah! They all fit in your palm. No really, it's great.

Colin R said...

I was riding home last night and I saw a guy commuting with a flip cam mounted to his helmet! You're inspiring the masses.

Raineman said...

Did I mention I've done the same stuff but fight the urge...usually successfully?
Uuusually...
Now about oncoming cyclists on the wrong side of the road...eeeeeeekkkkkkk!... without helmets...... yeeehaaaa.... with a child seat plus child behind them... d'OH!
(my 3-season 6 am daily spin includes this once or twice a week.) I think the guy either a. doesn't have a car. b. has a car but lost his license, or c. Eats nails and is on a Mad Max quest.