Big Bikes

Here it is...

my Single Speed Worlds 2009 Registration Form art. I'm in, just like Ned Overend. I can't wait to add him to list of people I have "raced against". You know how cool Ned is? He's so cool that he had a big-honkin'-mustache before it was ironic to have one. That and he kicked a whole lotta ass back in the day and continues to do so to dudes less than half his age, and no one has ever called him a doper or a dick.

I had to get off my ass artistically and bust this thing out, it's been a while. Funny how the only thing that has motivated me to actually make art in about two years is my bike. "If you don't make your art, you won't be able to go ride bikes with your friends". It worked much better than the time my German instructor negotiated an arrangement with my parents wherein she'd get to hold my Skateboard hostage until I shaped up in her class.

I don't know if I ever told my parents that what actually happened was that I gave Frau Stewart a dummy skateboard - some old, clapped piece of crap that was just lying around. Then I went and rode the hell out of my real board. I pretty much flunked German. "Thomas, schlafst du?" is all I remember, I still have no idea what that means. I have suffered as a result of my disdain for German class - watching Wim Wenders and Herzog with subtitles has left me feeling empty.

So ya, I went to the gym for the first time in my life. That isn't a joke or an exaggeration of any kind. I got shown around by a personal trainer, I had my list of exercises I should be doing to help me suck less at riding my bike. I really had to force him to show me how to use the machines and reiterate repeatedly that I have never been to a gym in my life. The idea that someone could be as old as I am and have never gone to the gym was difficult for him to accept.

He was very concerned with what I was going to do for cardio. I told him I was all set with the weights and machines and whatnot "Ya, but if you do them like this you're going to get a good cardio workout". All set with the cardio dude. I did tell him I was a bike racer so he didn't give me a whole song and dance about what I needed to do to work my upper body.

I don't think I am going to like going to the gym. I do however like it more than riding the trainer. I rode it for as long as I could tolerate today (it was 11° outside) while watching a movie called "Jumper" (which was close to the worst thing ever). It was about a kid who could teleport wherever he wanted to go. It made me want to teleport away from my trainer, to another place where I would be performing some other, more desirable activity...like playing beach volleyball...in Fiji...wearing a wool suit lined with fiber glass insulation.

Below you will find my second attempt at making a video. You'll be glad I spent all this time editing my crappy commute into a crappier three minute short once I have some actually interesting footage to do something with, so glad you won't be able to deal. Keeping what could be an incredibly boring feature length film contained within a sub-three minute song is a good thing. Be happy that I don't run it uncut with some long-ass song by God Speed You Black Emperor or Spacemen 3 as the soundtrack.


Stupor Commuter Two - I Dig Everything from thom parsons on Vimeo.