Thursday, May 14, 2009

I Have No Idea Why People Make Fun of Me

A Kid walks into a bike shop (and yes it was my bike shop, not worried about him reading this. Any time this kid spends on the internet is devoted to looking at porn and posting semi-literate phonetic messages under Youtube videos while he's stoned). Kid walks up to the service counter, looks into the back of the service area.

Kid: "Yo (almost unintelligible due to the fact that he's chewing on a straw) can we go back there?"

He was the only one there, was he talking about him and his drool-covered straw?

Me: "No sorry, you can't".

Kid: "Alright, can I use the phone?"

Me: "Sure"

Takes a couple minutes to explain how to press one of the line # buttons to dial out, he finally gets it. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. The definition of stupidity is doing the same simple task which a retarded tree shrew could be trained to do over and over again and still fucking it up.

Kid gets on phone, proceeds to threaten person on other end "Yo bitch, you wanna get slapped?"

After a couple calls I get tired of listening this suburban wannabe gangster threaten his friends with violence and I'm scared he'll get drool on my phone.

Me: "OK, that's it for calls, can't have you tying up the line"
(It was dead at the shop, all five lines were clear)

Kid: "Yo, what's the sickest thing you can do to a bike?"

Me: "I can put $3000 wheels on it"

Kid (totally unimpressed): "I'd rather spend that on a car"

Me: "Yup, you'd get a pretty sick car for $3000"

I finally bought a new camera to replace my Canon Digital Elph something or other that ate it up at The NEMBA Turkey Burner last fall. Been making due with The Helmet Hero but getting a good shot with that thing is like carpet bombing. Take 600 shots, get 10 keepers. But some of the random stuff you end up shooting in photo every two seconds mode is great. Of course the video is really what the thing's for and it does a good job with that.

I'm a financial genius, part of my savings plan involves never giving exact change and hoarding all my coins in a huge tupperware container. It had been quite a while since I'd cashed it all in. My buddy J informed me that you can now get Gift Certificates for places like Starbucks and Amazon at the Coinstar machine without having them take a percentage. So I did it, got myself $300 toward Amazon. Figured I'd go with Amazon over Starbucks - it might take me weeks to spend $300 at Starbucks.

What I got is this thing:

The Canon SD780

And I got if for free! Oh wait...

It even has this nifty little filter thing that makes you appear totally beat down, bedraggled, and so sleep deprived that your face looks like it's about to split wide open and hemorrhage sawdust and sand onto the floor. See:

That reminds me - bed time - now.

And yes, the outfit I'm wearing at the top of the post...actually what I wore to work yesterday. To ride to work, not all day long, working at the work. That would be weird.



Luke S said...

Sometime, I'm going to go to your shop and make a fool of myself just to see if I make it on your blog.

the original big ring said...

yo, like that's a totally pimping blog post and almost makes me feel, like yo, like I was back at work . . . . fuuuggggggg - I just get home from work and I read this . . . that's the age group I work with and they arethe kids total tools and retards, exactly like that ALL day. Stimulating.

(it's okay, I can call them 'retards' and be politically correct and I'm allowed, and says so on my license, I'm a special education teacher)

yo, that's whacked bro, whacked

Nick said...

The conversation with the kid was too funny. In fact I disrupted my work place (with laughter).

Raineman said...

Someone who, at one time, was tarded.

Someone whose tardation has been removed by an external force as in years of detardation therapy or drug use.

Um, that would be you or me.