Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Big Nazi-Werewolf-Zombies
(and Sometimes bikes too)

I might have to start another blog where I talk exclusively about things like Nazis-Zombies fighting Nazi-Werewolves. There's a lot to consider in such a battle. Would a Nazi-Zombie's bite turn a Nazi-Werewolf into a Nazi-Werewolf-Zombie? Would a Nazi-Werewolf's bite turn a Nazi-Zombie into a Nazi-Zombie-Werewolf? These are serious considerations. If you shot a Nazi-Werewolf-Zombie with a silver bullet would it revert back to just being a Zombie or die entirely? I suppose not "die entirely" because it's a Zombie, it's dead, cease to ambulate maybe. That's without even considering the whole Nazi thing. I mean, do Nazi Zombies have a predilection for biting Jewish people? I was having enough trouble sleeping while pondering why Rich Dillen yells "Bumble Bee Tuna" at competitors during races (Ace Ventura, When Nature Calls reference).

More on this subject later.

This morning was one of those mornings where I said to myself "You better wriggidy check yourself before you chiggidy wreck yourself". I didn't sleep, but more so than usual, I mean less so, I mean the thing where I slept extra poorly, whatever that is. I left the house grumpy...for blood. David Byrne wrote a song when he was with Talking Heads called "Stop Making Sense". I wrote a sentence three seconds in the future called "I Was Never Making Sense In The First Place, Which Makes You Being All Bossy and Trying To Tell Me What to Do That Much More Lame and Annoying".

I was being dumb, which is normal, a little extra-special, trying to do intervals while riding the total-100%-crap-way to work through Waltham and Watertown. But I'm also trying to ride in a more legal fashion than I used to due to my involvement with organizations like Massbike. So I end up in situations where I yell at a motorist who buzzed me "Don't you ever get that close to a cyclist again, Grr, Rar!", then have sit next to them awkwardly at a stop light for a minute. Or, when a Van tries to merge into me and I give them a little proximity warning tap with my foot and the guy goes ballistic then I'm up a few cars from him at the light wondering "Is that numb nut going to come charging up from behind and blindside me with a 2 X 4?".

For the one of my four readers who gives a flying frog about mechanical things (and even then only when he's drunk). We had a quality bicycle in The Shop the other day, a Cadillac bike. It's a Cadillac, so you know it's got to be good. Like a Cimarron. It had a completely hosed Bottom Bracket which was seized in the frame. Bryan and Jeff Huckleberry put a six foot lever on a breaker bar afixed to the BB tool. They are both big men, Jeff is a veritable mountain of a man. At his Buddhist paint ball club retreat they called him "Chomolungma". Bryan is not quite so large, but possesses what the indigenous people of Medford, MA refer to as "Retaahd Powah".

The two of them went at the thing like crazy until CRACK! Something gave and it sounded like the thing had broken loose. It had not. What had happened was that the splines of the BB tool had sheared off in unison. Totally unprecedented. I've seen the splines of the BB cup go a bunch of times, but the hardened steel tool? I guess she was just ready to go.

Back to the commute. The ride home was a a lot more sedate than the ride in. I was cooked. I just plain didn't eat enough today. The only thing that got me through the end of the day were a couple bags of GU Chomps. The Blueberry-Pomegranate ones are really frickin' good. I can't remember the last time I bonked during a race, I can remember bonking on my 45 minute commute home.

And no, I did not eat the doughnut today. That was taken the morning after I ate all those Waffle-Fry-Nachos (Not "Fried Waffles" Bullit, although you may be onto something there). I promised myself I was going to have a better food day...then I started things off by showing up to work and eating Girl Scout Cookies and Doughnuts. I have all the will power of a fat Beagle Dog.

Wednesday MTB Ride Today. 5:45, IBC Newton. Weather looks good. Call over if got questions 617-527-0967.


Anonymous said...

Must be one of the other three that gives a flying frog about mechanical things.


p.s. Glad I am not the only one that has no will power - two Dunkin maple-frosted on the way to work today. So bad, yet so good.

Anonymous said...

One time I brought a friends bike to work to fix his bottom bracket. After a similar situation to the one you explained I brought him back his bike and explained that "some else" had previously stripped the splines and I could do nothing for him. Shhhh ;-)