Barry Roubaix Highlights Video and Very Pro Sports Reporter-Type Write Up

This is what I spent most of my day doing. Well that, and writing the Barry Roubaix report. If you watch this and read the report it will all make sense. I think.

Watch more video of Barry-Roubaix: The Killer Gravel Road Race on cyclingdirt.org

Barry Roubaix, The Killer Gravel Road Race

 

Got too much video to edit and words to write about the Barry Roubaix race to sit here babbling about myself today. Of everything that happened out in Michigan, probably the most exciting thing was getting to ride on the back of a follow moto for the first time. Eh, the fact that it was 17° out...could've maybe done without that, but it was awesome nonetheless. More on that tomorrow or later in the week, for now I've got some of my favorite videos from the weekend. Oh, and pardon the shakiness of the camera; it took six hours for my core temperature to come back up to normal.

Operation Rescue (The Schwinn Varsity)

No, I'm not talking about the fundamentalist anti-abortion/anti-gay group now known as Operation Save America, what I'm talking about is an operation to rescue my Schwinn Varsity from Boston City Hall, where I abandoned it on Monday after an incident involving a broken brake cable, some inclement weather, and me being a wuss-bag.

Wait a second, shouldn't Operation Rescue And Save America support gayness? More gay people mean fewer abortions. It is very hard for gay people to get pregnant, and if they do manage to get pregnant, they've usually thought about it first, and they've usually passed through some kind of screening process which has deemed them fit to raise a child. Gay couples don't really have "accidents." But that's beside the point (and the point is trying as hard as possible to appear as though it is not associated in any way with it.) Just remember what Operation American Rescuing Savers Who Save Things say:

"The opposite of homosexuality is not heterosexuality, it is holiness!"

That rant is probably not going to help with the not-getting the death threats. 

But, as Results-Rooter (who we will talk more about in a moment) would say: 

"Hey Guys, Bikes!"

Robocop Vs. Terminator Vs. Paul Revere Vs. Jack Black

This is going to be a speed blog, so please excuse typos, left out words, and trains of thought that go off the rails, fall into gorges hundreds of feet below, and burst into flames. I've thrown some images up here...I'm going to talk about them, and then I'm going to get the hell out of there and do lots of stuff. Real cool stuff. 

Fukushima Daiichi Nuclear Reactor Situation Explained With Poop And Farts

Whoa dude, I got a whole lot of stuff piling up here and no time to post it. This half-assed post has nothing to do with cycling but everything to do with poop and farts, which are really the number two and three subjects we talk about here, so it's not like we're that far off theme. 

Get it, number two subject? It's late. 

I really enjoyed this Youtube video explaining the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear reactor mess as it relates to poop and farts, and I didn't want anyone to miss it. If you are a Big Bikes reader, you deserve to see this. And who knows, maybe if you're like me and you'll actually find it somehow comforting. 

Of course the real value of this post is that I took the time (time that I should have used to work on the Thom Parsons Cyclowhat? Project) to take a few screen captures of the key moments in the video for you to share with your friends an relatives. I'm pretty sure your grandmother would be elated if you posted one to her Facebook page.

Utter Thomination Of Otis AFB And The Rock

Somehow, throughout the course of my longer-than-I-care-to-think-about life, no one had ever struck upon the magnificently clever artifice of replacing the "dom" part of a word with "Thom." That was until this past Saturday when I went for another ride at Otis Air Force Base with a posse of fit racer types who nearly rode me to death like I was a pony at a birthday party for clinically obese octuplets. I was completely shelled and Results Rooter, taking pity on me, decided to take us down a technical trail so I wouldn't get so horribly dropped. He said "We're gonna do that techy trail again so Thom can dominate it." And, come to think of it, I guess it was me who said "Nah dude, I'm gonna Thominate it." Wow, I thought, no one's ever gone there...what are the possibilities? All we could come up with in the following minutes were "Thominatrix" and "Thom Deluise." But the second one doesn't really count. I can't even think of any now...oh wait: athomination. Different switcheroo, same idea. Come on, whaddayagot? Let's hear it.

A Colombian Necktie For Facebook

Remember yesterday when said I was all show and no tell but it turned out I was full of shit...lots of shit. Well today I really am all show no tell. I'm basically going to babble about a couple videos and then fuck off. I have a couple very stressful deadlines to meet, real crazy stuff. One deadline involves a super secret project I'm working on with CycloWhat?

Came across the above video over on Tomi's blog yesterday. As visually striking, fun, and hilarious as it is,

All Show No Tell

It seems that yesterday's incredibly well-viewed video post was not all that much of a puzzler.  Dicky was able to make short work of the question: Whose blog is Ultra Endure Guy really reading from? Dicky is very small and like all very small animals, not very smart. You ever meet a smart tree shrew? A marmoset? How about a smart bumblebee bat? Didn't think so. I rest my case. Next time (ya right!) I will have to try harder and avoid stating the name of the victim's website in the closing seconds of the video. (But it was just too fun to say Cycle-hyphen-Smaaht-dot-cawm.) Adam Myerson did not make a peep about the post anywhere throughout the vast expanse of his social media empire yesterday, which means he is either a.) Thoroughly unamused b.) Totally fucking pissed c.) Unaware of it d.) Trying not to give it any attention for fear that it will spread faster than herpes at a boarding school for the arts.

He can't be madder at me than he is at the dude who made this:

Ultra Endure Guy II- Hey PEZ Cycling Look At You! (You Sexist Douche Bags)

Finally, the long awaited sequel to the immensely popular and well-viewed Ultra Endure Guy Navigating The Mystery video. As always (always? like the past...one times we've done this) the first person to guess whose blog UEG is really reading gets to choose the next blog he reads. (Did I ever even mention that the last blog UEG read was Willow Koerber's? Did I?) If you're looking to read something today...not that I'm saying you shouldn't watch the video, because it's pretty sweet, but if you're say, at work and can't watch a video with sound, then you could check out the post about the hipster traps in NYC I did over on BikeRumor. It might be the best-viewed post I've done over there, and what's encouraging about that is that it is almost entirely made up. No drooling over useless gadgetry, no "hey look at this $20,000 carbon bike!" Just a bunch of crazy-make-em-uppers and weirdness.

Like That Time Tom Cruise Finally Admitted That He's Gay

 

Alright, so there's maybe gonna be a little period of undirected babbling before I get down to the very serious business of producing proper Big Bikes type posts I'm afraid. Right, because Big Bikes usually has so much direction. That's what you come down here for: direction. There's a lot going on...lots of changes. You may have noticed the disappearance of a couple logos on the sidebar, and if you check back sometime soon, you may see the appearance of a couple new logos. It's gonna be huge, like that time Tom Cruise finally admitted that he's gay.

Local Warming

This isn't a real Big Bikes post, I'm just half-assedly setting the pick in hopes that I can break out of this paralyzing case of blogger's block I've been suffering from for the past couple months and actually do something over here.

Yesterday I met up with a big group of folks to ride Otis Air Force Base down on the Cape. I cannot remember the last time I got so shelled on a group ride. 

I upgraded to the new Blogger editor, and while it is kinda buggy and weird (cursors disappear, text gets linked for no apparent reason) it does have a few sweet features. My favorites being the photo uploader that allows you to upload as many photos as you want all at once. You used to have to upload five at a time. This still beat Wordpress. With Wordpress you have to upload one photo at a time and it is not a streamlined process. This sucks when I have to say, do a BikeRumor post that requires a bunch of photos. Another sweet feature is the insert jumpbreak function. Now I can be all AHTBM and do a "read more" type thingy. Sorta like this:

The rest of the sequence of Will Crissman riding the most insane stunt at Otis AFB after the break. Does he crash because his cell phone went off in his pocket just as he was at the most deadly point? Do rabid coyotes burst forth from the bushes and eat him alive, soft bits first? I don't know, you'll just have to jump past the break to find out.