Big Bikes

Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?
Do You Really Want to Make Me Cry
(Tears of Tomato/Clam Juice, and Beer)?

Alright, I'm going to yammer this way and that and that and then make you people an offer that many of you will not be able to refuse (it involves making me suffer horribly...wait for it).

Sorry my bold claims from earlier in the week have proven false. No I will not be writing a book review of Bicycle Diaries by David Byrne this week. I promise I'll get to it soon. OK maybe promise is too committal of a word, how about, I swear I'm gonna do it...um, dude. And we all know that you come down here to read Big Bikes for the book reviews not to look at me taking my shirt off and doing Magnum P.I. impressions — "Now I know what you're thinking...". Ya, that's much more convincing with the jungle bird shirt, Detroit Tigers cap and mustache. For now I'll just tell you that I liked it and more importantly that Chip liked it and he's much smarter and more discerning than I am.

I have to apologize to the Harpoon ITT. My write up on the 29er Crew blog yesterday portrayed it in a pretty dark light. I lost count of how many times I used the word horrible to describe it. And it was horrible...for me. For almost everyone else it was awesome (except maybe for the guy who's bike I borrowed. He's probably still wiping beer and beer-reeking-sweat off his frame). The guys from Harpoon and Fast Splits did a great job with the thing, really impressive and well run. And man, those folks had to have worked 16-something hour days. It had to suck, but they were all smiling when I got there...twelve hours into their work day. Shit, I work at a bike shop and about six hours into my workday I'm ready to staple people's asses to their faces. That's just me though, everyone else at The Shop is really, really nice.

Here's the important part!

I'm bringing back the Chelada Challege.


Back in December I couldn't commit to drinking a six pack of Chelada during The Ice Weasels race. Not so much due to fear that I would get too drunk, throw up, and crash my bike into a tree. More out of fear of not being able to perform my very demanding race promoter duties (like heckling Colin on the mic).

This time it's different.

I am headed to SSUSA in Tucson tomorrow afternoon. It is a 47 mile Single-Speed race. It is going to be hard for a guy who's ridden his bike 47 miles...during the entire month of January. It is going to be hot by Boston in February standards, about 70°. I imagine I am going to be out there for over five hours. I figure if I'm going to go out to Arizona and suck it big time, I might as well provide some form of entertainment while I'm doing it. Here's what I propose:

For every $50 that gets dropped into my Paypal account (donate button, upper right there) between now and tomorrow morning (Friday Feb 4th) by 11:00 AM, I will consume one tall boy of Chelada. DURING THE SSUSA RACE. What's that, it's too expensive you say? Exactly. I am not going to make this easy on you because it ain't gonna be easy on me. I will also be capping my intake at six cans. Just six cans OK. Only six. This doesn't mean that you have to donate $50 yourself, just so long as the total is $50. And to sweeten the deal I will be rounding up to the nearest $100. Which in my thinking means that if I raise $151 I will drink 4 tall boys of Chelada.

Documentation.
All my cameras are working and will be along for the ride with me. I will either be taking Helmet Hero footage or Canon Digital Elph video footage of the drinking of each can. That I promise...um, dude.

No mas michelada con clamato, por favor!

-t