Thursday, January 28, 2010


Product Review:
Gore Bike Wear Race Power Over Shoe

(and Poop)

I've been meaning to talk about my Gore booties for months, so I'm going to go ahead and get that over with and then get back (briefly) to the matter at hand: poop.

The booty I'm using is the Race Power Over Shoe. In a word...in two words: they freakin' work. What else can I say? They keep my feet warm and dry. I guess I could trash talk the Pearl Izumi Amphib booties I've been using for years — er — I mean, compare and contrast. What it comes down to with the Amphibs is basically that the zippers suck. They are hard to zip when your hands are warm. In fact, you're lucky if you don't blow out the zipper putting them on. Then there's the issue of taking them off with cold hands. Operose is a word I would use...if I knew the meaning of it. When I'm in the dressing room at the shop, trying to take them off after a cold ride I let out such streams of profanity that my co-workers have to tell appalled mothers, as they cover their child's ears: "sorry mam, that's Tommy, he has Tourettes Syndrome, we get a big tax break for employing him...please don't sue us."

Conversely, the Gore booties utilize a velcro system. I can put them and on and take them off standing on one foot like a damn flamingo. The version I have are uninsulated, for colder weather riding (sub-20°) I'd probably recommend the insulated version. Or you could just do what I do and cut a hole in the bottom of an old wool sock and pull it over your shoe before donning your booties.


Why I'm not riding a single-speed
Oh, for Doug and the other folks who might have missed it, here's my e-xx-plantion for why I'm riding gears in 2010. I was going to try to offend every Single-Speeder in the known universe with a philosophical rant on the subject, and make all the people who read The Big Bikes just because I'm a Single-Speeder hate me more than they already do for "selling out," but I'll save that for another day.

Why I am riding a single-speed mountain bike at The Harpoon ITT Saturday
Why not? It's January, I'm totally out of shape, all the roadie and tri-guys I'll be racing against in the elite race have already logged thousands of base miles. I'm just gonna go out there and act a fool and see what happens. I will be putting a slick on the rear of the Superfly SS so I don't wreck Brian's compu-trainers and drive everyone half-batty with the rumbling of my knobbly rear tire.


Why poop is an important element of any good story
Poop was an element in the first written story: The Epic of Gilgamesh. In Gilgamesh Ishtar convinces her dad Anu to unleash The Bull of Heaven upon the land of Uruk. The Bull of Heaven descends upon Uruk, he goes nuts, tearing the place all up. Gilgamesh and his best bud Enkidu get into it with the big bad bull, the bull is apparently no stranger to fighting dirty:

"Then Enkidu jumped out and seized the Bull of Heaven by its horns.the Bull spewed his spittle in front of him, with his thick tail he flung dung behind him."

That's right. In the oldest written story, in one of the pivotal battle scenes, a giant demi-god-bull flings poop at one of the protagonists.

I read Gilgamesh for the first time about fourteen years ago, what do you guess was the only part I remembered? Of course in my recollection The Bull of Heaven killed Enkidu with poop. This was not accurate. Death by poop...can't think of a more ignominious end. Except for maybe death by injecting cocaine directly into your penis.

Never underestimate the power of poop.


3 comments:

the original big ring said...

shitty

word verification:
"derpom" - which ironically is German for 'poopie on me'

EndlessBikeCo. said...

Holy shit! That guy's penis actually fell off! That is a crazy story.

P.S. Your single speed will always be there when you're ready to go back and I'm not mad at ya! Kick ass at SSUSA and don't forget the costume box.

rick is! said...

endless, all those ss cogs that were meant for Thom can now be shipped to Maine. After my foray back into gears over the weekend, I won't be going back any time soon!