Thursday, January 14, 2010

I Have Come Here to Chew Bubble Gum and
Look Like a God Damn Fool...

And I Completely Forgot to
Stop at CVS to Pick up Bubble Gum

I was driven out of bed this morning by the thirst for knowledge. I just couldn't wallow (well, snuggle up cozily) in my own ignorance for a moment longer. There were questions I needed to ask my computer:

Question # 1: What does proper Nordic skiing technique look like?

Question #2: What is the deal with that dude "Bucket Head?"

I had to know these things and I had to know them immediately.
Stop looking at me like that. I'm perfectly normal.

So I You-Tubeled "Nordic skiing technique," and this informative video came up.
It has a very generic even-keeled narrator. He says things to the effect of "Diagonal stride, or classic Nordic skiing is about as hard to do as walking and it ranks just slightly above walking on the Awesome Scale." That's a real scale. I have one in my bathroom, although it comes up "0.00" every morning no matter how awesome I think I got the day before.

I can't believe the McTwist I did my Razor Scooter while performing a flaming numb-chuk (that's what they're called "numb-chuks") display didn't even register. I think my awesome scale is busted. I'll have to get super-rad in the pool tonight and see what happens. You should see the dope moves I can shred so hard in the pool. Last week I did a double flip turn to individual medley. The double flip turn was sick, I added that, but just stuck with your standard individual medley. I mean, how much more sick can something called an "individual medley" be? The answer is none. None more sick.

Bucket Head
or, apparently "Buckethead," One word: Buckethead.
He's that guy who plays guitar in an expressionless white mask with a KFC bucket on his head. I googled him and found an extensive Wiki page. This pretty much sums up who this guy is though:

He has been voted number 8 on a list in GuitarOne magazine of the "Top 20 Greatest Guitar Shredders of All Time"[6] as well as been included in Guitar World's lists of the "25 all-time weirdest guitarists"[7] also known for being in the "50 fastest guitarists of all time list".[8]

That is one successful guitar shredder. Man, I hope some day Bike World includes me in their list of the "25 all-time weirdest cyclists."

Sometimes you gotta reach for the brass...door knob.
You can do it. It's right there, at waist height. Go for it!

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