Friday, June 19, 2009

Bikes, Bikes, Bikes

No really, I have interests outside cycling, I do, I swear. I like movies. I watched this movie the other night called Taken starring Liam Neeson. While I've still got you here, (I see your eyes glazing over because I'm not talking about single speediness) there's a prize at the bottom of the post for those that make it that far, or you could just save yourself and skip down there now.

Liam Neeson is a nearly sixty year old retired Super-Assassin-Agent of some sort who's daughter gets kidnapped, drugged , and sold by Albanians into the white sex slave trade. Liam goes around for an hour and forty minutes or whatever kicking dudes in the nuts and smashing people's faces in until he ultimately frees her. That wasn't a spoiler, this is a Hollywood film that actually got made. They don't produce a whole lot of films about girls being kidnapped by Albanians, drugged , and sold into the white sex slave trade where the girl's dad dies horribly while trying to find her because he didn't go to Super-Assassin-Agent school, he went to Babson for his MBA and he's more adept at crunching numbers than people's nuts with his shoe, and the girl lives horribly ever after as a white sex slave to fat Sheiks.

Before he finds his daughter he happens upon her BFF who she'd gone to Paris with. She had died of an O.D. while they were in the process of addicting her to drugs so she would be a willing white sex slave. Liam is totally freaked out.

So he kills everybody and their Lhasa Apsos, shoots his friend's wife, frees his daughter, and they return to the U.S. where he promptly takes her to meet her favorite Popstar for vocal lessons (he'd earned a favor when he saved her life while working security for one of her shows). She is super-stoked! This is all like ten minutes after they left Europe where the body of his daughter's BFF was still warm.

Two thumb's up!

Except they were both up the director's ass while he was shooting the film.

I'm just being a dick, it was actually quite entertaining for the most part. I'm not going to get a job doing movie reviews am I?

I can also speak on the subject of music. Real timely stuff too. In the LL Cool J song "Mama Said Knock You Out" he claims that his "Nine is easy to load". I always thought that was funny. Does he own a special model of Nine Millimeter which is designed for arthritics and amputees? Whatever the case, it sounded lame to my ears. If you read that line in the context of the song, particularly the verse below, it sounds totally alright.

Shotgun blasts are heard
When I rip and kill, at WILL
The man of the hour, tower of power, I'll devour
I'm gonna tie you up and let you understand
that I'm not your average man
when I got a jammy in my hand
DAAAAAM!!!!! Oooooohh!!
Listen to the way I slaaaaay, your crew
Damage (UHH) damage (UHH) damage (UHH) damage
Destruction, terror, and mayhem
Pass me a sissy so suckas I'll slay him
Farmers (What!!!) Farmers (What!!!)
I'm ready (we're ready!!!)
I think I'm gonna bomb a town (get down!!)
Don't u neva, eva, pull my lever
Cuz I explode
And my nine is easy to load
I gotta thank God
Cuz he gave me the strength to rock
HARD!! knock you out, mama said knock you out

Farmers (What!!!) sentiments exactly.

Astonishingly enough I have more crazy crap to say on the subject of music but I have to go do my Jane Fonda PT exercises and get five hours of sleep.

Since I'm temporarily retired from racing, Monday we're going to talk about my new Bontrager tires and a the revised list of things I'm thinking of doing with an addendum listing the things I'm thinking of not doing.

Oh ya, just so you didn't come down here for nothing today...
check out Squirt Gun Show's argument for why the current upgrade process from Cat 1 to Pro for Mountain Bikers is flawed, then forward it to your friends. Hopefully, eventually Mark Abramson and Gully see it and go "Huh, y'know, the kid is makin' a lot of sense", and impose some changes going into next year.

Basically the fact that Kevin can't get an upgrade is insane. He's one of the consistently fastest Cat 1's in the region, and I personally have been calling him a sandbagger for not upgrading since I've known him. So USAC, do something so that I don't have to hear this "All I wanted was an upgrade, just one upgrade and they wouldn't give it to me!" crap going into next year.


1 comment:

the original big ring said...

Jane looks HOT in that photo.