Friday Thought Scramble

You may have noticed that I've been a little hard up for images lately, hence the above Bob's Red Mill Logo (we'll get to that in a second). This is because my errant Olympus Stylus Not-So-Tough is still on its way back from Oregon after that unfortunate-unintentional-theft-of-my-drop-bag-incident at the High Cascades 100. Word is my 29er Crew vest, knee warmers, and arm warmers are coming back along with it. But that's not important right now, what's important is that I tell you about my very exciting breakfast (Wow-wowee-wow!) and how sometimes, just sometimes, sponsoring an athlete actually has an effect on the sales of your product.



Up until a few weeks ago I had never heard of Bob's Red Mill, but then I heard that they were Mo Bruno-Roy's new title sponsor. Fast forward — no faster than that, yup there you go, four arrow fast forward, oops, too far, now back up a little bit — to last night. I'm walking down the aisle at the grocery store and I decide to get some steel cut oats. Now, normally I don't have much of a preference for what brand of steel cut oats I purchase, but then I see them there on the shelf: Bob's Red Mill. And I go "Hey, they sponsor Mo...Mo is awesome...I think it is awesome they sponsor her...I will buy these oats to support their choice to support her." Yes, all that went through my head, really.

The bonus part was when I woke up this morning, cooked up the oats, and they were GOOD. I mean really good, way better than the stuff I usually grab at Trader Joe's, a real treat. They were like these big-honkin', chewy freakin' oats. They're so tasty, I think I'm going to have breakfast for every meal today. Throw in some apples, honey, and soy milk — POW! — that's some damn good eating.

Maybe for my "dinner oatmeal" I'll throw in some meatballs or sausage.

This type of marketing doesn't always work on me. I'm not sure if Tim Johnson is even sponsored by Red Bull anymore, but when he was, and he'd pull that very UFC fighter or NASCAR driver-like maneuver of tipping back a can of his energy drink sponsor's swill during his post-race interview, I wasn't buying it. Not just because it was such a blatantly obvious, I-am-getting-paid-to-do-this move, but because it is well established that Red Bull is total shit.

Unless you like the taste of rancid hobo-urine. But hey, whatever floats your short bus.

And the thing is, I think Tim is almost every bit as awesome as Mo (I say "almost" because Mo is my neighbor and if I make her mad, she may walk across the street and crush my skull with her preternaturally strong massage-therapist hands) it's just that the product he is pimping is, how can I put this lightly...oh wait, I already called it "total shit" and "rancid hobo-urine" — not nearly as palatable as the product Mo is pimping. Although I do respect Tim's decision to get paid, by anyone, to ride his bike. Shit, if Haliburton or BP showed up at my door step and offered me money to ride my bike all day every day in the service of promoting evil, it would be hard for me to say no. I ain't judgin'.

OK, a little bit more rambling about The 50 and then I have to get down to doing some "real writing." It would be so much easier for me if each of you readers just donated fifty-cents a day to the "keep Thom P. from working a real job fund." Is that too much to ask? That greedy Sally Struthers wanted seventy-cents a day to feed the children, and that was in the early eighties.





"For just seventy-cents a day, you can feed a child like Jamal nourishing meals. For about seventy-cents a day, you can also buy a cup of coffee. BUT, for just fifty-cents a day, you can prevent Thom P. from working a real job."

Seventy-cents for a cup of coffee. Fehkin' Starbucks.

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So there have been some changes in my VT50 predictions. I did not know that Adam "Da Spyder" Snyder was showing up. And I couldn't help but peruse the start list and see that wunderkind Peter Ostroski is also signed up. Monte can still win any race against anyone, but he is going to have a battle on his hands. I think he's actually riding gears too, craziness. Ostroski had some severe mechanical issues last year which took him out of the running for the win (he even finished behind me), but I think without those issues, he would have been right there with Whittingham and Letendre, maybe not quite up there with Jakomait, but who knows, the kid is pretty talented. This year there will be no Letendre, Jakomait, or Whittingham, so I see a big battle between Snyder, Ostroski, and Montalbano going down. Of course the VT50 still doesn't have an Open or Elite category (and it should) so Ostroski will be riding with the generally slower, younger group which will be staggered behind the group all the heavy-hitters will be in. He will have the disadvantage of not being at the front of the race, but those in the front group will have the disadvantage of not knowing what the hell Peter's doing behind them. I'd hate to be one of the guys in the front group, waiting to see how long it takes for Peter show up at the finish line, counting the seconds.

Those dudes should have fun with the new-improved earlier start too. It's now 6AM instead of 6:15 AM, because it wasn't cold enough or dark enough when we started at 6:15. Hey VT50 promoter Michael J. Silverman, go out the day before the race and try to ride that first section of trail without a light at 6AM, see how it goes you nutter.

Jeebus, I have never yammered so incessantly about a race I am not doing in my life. I got issues.

Monday! I swear that I am going to put together something like a race report, if only for my own records, for the Pisgah Mountain Bike Stage Race. God knows I got nothin' else to talk about.