Tuesday, December 02, 2008

I'm Sorry That I Got Fat, I Will Slim Down

es, I'm screwing around with my Blog Header, and yes it looks like total shit at the moment. I'm working on it okay. Now piss off.

So I renewed my license with USA Cycling this afternoon. Being a Semi-Pro I was given the option of going down (or sideways) to Cat 1 or up to Pro. I was thinking of making the jump to Pro even before the restructuring of the MTB categories, a silly thing to do for a Single Speeder who's racing age for 2009 will be thirty-five years old, but I was thinking about it...as much as I think about anything.

Not sure what the point of going to Pro would be, I'd race against the same guys weekend in and weekend out in the local series, the only time I'd face any "Actual Pros" would be at national level events. In those rare cases I would be hanging out at the back with the guys I race against locally anyway. So why My Little Pony up (it's the cool new saying, all the kids are using it) the extra ninety bucks for the distinction of having no Semi on my Pro? I can give you one reason and one legitimate reason only. Here it is.

You're riding your bike in traffic, you pull a bonehead move, a driver pulls a bonehead move...whatever, ultimately you get in an altercation. At some point in the exchange you get to yell "Hey! Does your license say PRO on it? Huh?Well mine does, so ya - suck it!".

THAT is why.

And I did it, I upgraded or Right-graded, whatever you want to call it. I am now Pro. Lying on the couch, writing this with my Laptop perched high upon my swelling off-season belly who's tide of pale flab has yet to begin it's recession, I do not feel so Pro. Not like a Pro bike racer anyway. Pro competitive eater maybe. I have a mind to call R. Kelly (not THAT R. Kelly, click the link) out on another Baconator challenge or a BK Triple Stacker challenge or something equally as heart-stoppingly abominable and disgusting.

Do we even have Carl's Jr. in Massachusetts? Their Double Six Dollar Burger seems to be the worst offender out there these days. The Hardee's Monster Thickburger isn't far behind though. If anyone takes me up on this challenge I promise this will be the end of my downward spiral toward morbid obesity, after I awake the next day and peel my face out of a puddle of my own vomit,
I will get right on my bike and begin serious base training. Maybe I will attempt to ride off all the calories I've consumed all at once. I might have to ride from here to Cincinnati and back.


Anonymous said...

Congratulations and good luck!

Ryan said...

This year, it is going to be a one-hour Baconator eating SPRINT.

I think my roommate Josh and I are going to go sit at the Wendy's in Dover and eat as many Baconators as we can in one hour.

We're gonna throw up.

rick is! said...

I'm right there with ya. the weight part, not the pro part. i'm four weeks and counting since my last ride and I can just feel my belt getting tighter.

craig said...

Lying down telling everyone you're Pro must be Pro, right?