Sunday, January 13, 2008

Cause I'm a Sparrow Hawk and You're a Sparrow


On January 11, 2008 Dr. Bryan Philbrook and I were returning to work after a harrowing voyage to Starbucks, traveling North East on Needham St.. It was a dreary day and the sun was low in the sky as we pulled into the parking lot. Something caught Bryan's eye, it skimmed along just off the ground, swooping up and coming to a perch on the fence between International Bicycle Center and The Mobil Mart.

I approached the mysterious creature cautiously, getting close enough to determine that it was a Hawk, and as far as I could tell, not a Red Tail. Dr. Philbrook quickly assessed the large raptor, telling me it was obviously a "Falco sparverius". "Whaa?" I queried. "An American Kestrel, dumb-ass" he elaborated. "A what?". "A Sparrow Hawk, you Ornithological genius, you zoological wizard". He condescended.



I ran for my camera, shooting from the hip the whole walk back, expecting bird-dude to take flight the second I invaded his personal space. I was able to get pretty close before he took a dive over the fence. "He's hunting Sparrows in yonder hedges, you [expletive] fucktard" Philbrook observed.*



Sure enough, I could hear a huge, squeaky commotion on the other side of the fence. I ran over, about to peak over the fence to get a glimpse of the slaughter, when the big, bad bird, rose up just above my head. I ducked and covered, Philbrook laughed, I snapped a blurry shot, and nobody tore my face off with their razor sharp, pointy, pointy bird toes.
A few moments later he hopped off the fence again, the tweeting was more intense this time, I could hear the Hawk flapping around as he ran after the Sparrows. This time he burst out from behind the fence with a still twitching little bird locked in his talons. I would have gotten a shot of that, but I thought I was next so I tried my best to crawl under a Toyota Yaris but only succeeded in getting my head lodged under it. Dr. Philbrook chose that time to inform me that he was "not a medical Doctor" but he was a "Doctor of kicking yo ass". He then demonstrated his credentials by ...kicking me in the ass mercilessly for hours while Joanne the gravelly voiced expert of skin diseases from the Mobil Mart brought him Red Bulls.



*Bryan Philbrook is not now, nor has he ever been a Doctor, a Dickhead, or a member of The Republican Party.

3 comments:

blog.todddowns.com said...

Not a Doctor, a dickhead, or a member of the Republican Party, but he is still a bitch. Even if (maybe because) he won't ever tell any of us why.

Retro grouch said...

If only Dr. Phil ever spoke like that the day would be so much more comical. He does on occasion point out sever cases of dumbnesses, he attracts them I think.

Retro grouch said...

If only Dr. Phil ever spoke like that the day would be so much more comical. He does on occasion point out sever cases of dumbnesses, he attracts them I think.