Big Bikes

My Other New Favorite Spot
(and George Lazenby)

This is going to have to be part one in a totally lame two part series on Needham Town Forest. I have a lot to say on the subject but due to time constraints, I have little time to say it. Wow, that was about as well worded as the part of my hurried post from yesterday where I said "was Monty churning a 34 x 16 again, churning it over like a viking rowing a dragon boat?" If I used a thesaurus, I'm almost positive that it could have given me another word for "churning." I'm almost positive that if I asked a brontosaurus for another word for "churning," he could have dug something out of his walnut-sized brain. But I don't have time for that kind of shit right now — using thesauruses or asking brontosauruses for literary advice, I only have time for not-silliness...and the riding of bikes apparently. I am getting that done, which is a large, good thing.

Oh, while I'm on the subject of how much I suck at writing and what an idiot I am, let's talk about my post from the other day when I said:

"It was like when Daniel Craig took Pierce Brosnan's place as James Bond, no one was complaining really. Everyone knew that the new guy was superior in every way. Except for Remington Steele fans; they were pissed. They love 5mm Bondhus Allen wrenches...wait, what were we talking about?"

Anyone who was actually reading that and half paying attention (and I know neither of those things are likely) would have caught the fact that Daniel Craig did not follow Pierce Brosnan in the playing of James Bond department. "What about Timothy-frigging-Dalton ya ignorant douche?" you would have said to yourself as you read that bit with a sardonic smirk and a John-Belushi-raised-eyebrow. How could I have made such a "gregious" error you wonder?

Because:

a.) I rush the hell out of these little writey things I do, and I often huff beard-cement while I do it.

b.) I don't fact check a motherlicker, and that's because no one pays me to do this kookiness...yet.

c.) When the fact you screw up conveying is that Timothy Dalton played James Bond a couple times...it just doesn't matter.

Except to the folks on the Timothy Dalton chat room site. They get pissed when someone entirely forgets that Timothy played James Bond that one time (intentional, I'm baiting here).
The Timothy Dalton chat room's motto is: "Non Sibi Sed Omnibus," which means - Not Alone, But Altogether.

I'm afraid the only place lonelier than the Timothy Dalton chat room is the George Lazenby fan club site.

Sadly, by the time I made it over to the George Lazenby fan club site home page I learned that although it was "The largest club at Pacific Grove High School," it was unfortunately " in it's fourth and final year."

Oh yes, I'm supposed to be talking about Needham Town Forest.

It has lots of pointy rocks to pierce (Brosnan) your tires (sorry, couldn't help myself)
and break-a-you-face. Sound good?

It does to Will. Will likes danger. If you blow up that photo you can see his crazy eyes.

Kevin contemplates the danger. He wonders what it will sound like when one of those pointy-frickin'-rocks gores his fancy-carbon-frame. I think it'll sound like a cash register opening, followed by a giant sucking sound as it acts like a money-blackhole, drawing in all the cash around it.

He decides to proceed with reckless abandon anyhow, screaming "PLEASE GOD MAKE IT LOOK LIKE A WARRANTY ISSUE!"

But Will's thirst for the danger overwhelms both me and Kevin when he decides to plummet down this wheel-trap-riddled descent.

In fact Kevin is so bemused by Will's wild style, that he says "The hell with it!" and chucks his bike down the rock face.

And that was the last we saw of the man who so vehemently insisted that we refer to him only as "K-Sweet." We had to leave him there, jabbering and gesticulating, sitting on that rock like a derelict shaman or something. Needham Town Forest does funny things to a man.