Big Bikes

Sweet Fixie

Just got this sweet, sweet Fixie together, nothing I love more than a sweet, sweet Fixie. I've cut the bars down hella narrow, I guess the cool kids call them "Traffic Busters". I also heard something about "Crash Biking" becoming the next big thing after "Tricking" and "Krumping". That's where you just ride a totally rickety piece of crap bike with no brakes and get into unavoidable (only because you don't have brakes or an iota of skill) accidents resulting in almost intentional bodily harm. It's awesome!
Problem is, I can't go out and ride my Fixie (into a parked car) because I'm still waiting on my Sweet-Fixie-Rider-Kid outfit to show up in the mail. There's no way I can be seen walking my Sweet Fixie down the sidewalk (holding it by it's too high, nose-diving saddle), or stand around posing as a messenger by Winthrop Square, leaning against my top tube pad without my oddly tight jeans, sagging (sagging despite the oversize, white, studded, rocker belt) just below my hairy ass crack, tapering down to my worn vans. How can I see where I'm going without mirrored, state trooper shades? And what will hold my brains in when I inevitably collide with some inanimate object besides a flat-brimmed, slightly askew, high-riding trucker hat?
Sweet Fixie!