Thursday, December 06, 2007

The Fish and The Dragonfly (an unpublishable children's story)

"Nothing to do, sit around at home
Sit around at home, stare at the walls
Stare at each other and wait till we die
Stare at each other and wait till we die"

-Big Black "Kerosene"

Successfully resisted temptation of car, car bad, car make head cloudy and angry. When commuting by bike I can have an "incident" with a motorist and ride it off before I get home or to work. If I drive it stays with me, I stay angry, it's no fun. I feel like I'm repeating myself, I'm sure to do a lot of that this winter.
Funny, but the some of the worst offenders on the road these days are Prius drivers. I just don't think they are engaged in the act of driving a car. They are preoccupied with their feeling of superiority over all other motoring beings. Guess what Prius driver? I am higher on the environmentally correct food chain than you. They're quiet too, they sneak up on you like a shark, like a Basenji. I will likely get run over by a Prius before I get run over by an Escalade, at least the Escalade driver will do it intentionally not obliviously.

"Yes, I know, you are so f-in' oppressed". That is my standard comeback to the evil eye I get from drivers who have to wait for two seconds before turning left. This is your Darfur you poor left turning driver you.

The pedestrians...the sidewalk becomes covered in the thinnest layer of snow and they head to the street. The roads are already shrinking, the shoulders filled with lumpy ice, I'm already way out in traffic, then you come along, putting me in the path of danger, and death, and dismemberment. It's bad enough with the runners coming at you all year long, running in the road against traffic, now you suits who can't be bothered to change into a pair of high top Reeboks with Velcro straps so you can walk down the sidewalk like a..."not-moron" are out there in your traction-less dress shoes. I don't like you, I can't be taught to like you, I can't be tortured and re-programmed to like you.

Here's a message to the driver who honks at the cyclist who runs a red light (knowing full well in this case that the left turn lane is empty and oncoming traffic has a green arrow, i.e., it is totally safe and without risk to themselves or anyone else). This act is akin to a fish making angry fish noises at a Dragonfly hovering above the water because he is stuck under the water swimming around like god damn idiot (probably with that poo thing hanging off his dirty fish butt) doing stupid fish things while the Dragonfly is free to fly and do whatever other cool Dragonfly things he feels like doing.
Fish-Driver-Guy, maybe think of yourself as a little Dragonfly Larvae, a Dragonfly puppy, kitten, or whatever. If you want to you can blossom into a beautiful Dragonfly and fly through lights as well. All you have to do is come out of your car-coon., that's quite enough out of me.

1 comment:

Colin R said...

There's a special area in hell reserved for people who jog in the bike lane.